Wednesday, February 24, 2016
A Week In and I Am Holding On...
So, I have been taking the Metformin for my PCOS for a week now. So far so good. The first couple of days were a little bit queasy, but nothing this tough momma couldn't handle. I was warned to be careful of carbs while taking it, so I have been really conscious about my carb intake. It is down to almost nothing. If I DO have something, I have it in the morning since I take my meds at night. I also have been trying to make better choices all around just because I need to. I have had little to no sugar, save for my morning cup of coffee, which you can pry from my cold, dead hands. I NEED it to function. Seriously...you do not want to deal with me without my morning java. SO...tonight I have had to start taking two pills a day instead of just the one. I have not felt any bad side effects from it yet, and I hope it stays that way. I hate, hate, HATE that I have to be on meds at all. Those who know me know that I don't like to take anything if I can keep from it. I try to do things holistically if possible. But my doctor says this is the best route and even though my trust is doctors has been horribly shaken, I have to trust she is doing what is best for now. She says we can try to control things through my diet a little later on, and I am holding her to it. I HAVE noticed that I am hungry A LOT and thirsty all the time, so I pee a ton. I feel like I am pregnant again in that respect. (I am NOT pregnant...just FYI). I guess that makes sense since it is supposed to increase my metabolism. I am eating lots of salads, lean meats, veggies and a small amount of fruits though, so hopefully I can use this situation to my advantage. I am also so very thankful for the support from my family and friends. I am making it through this because of all of you. Thank you. I have the best people in my life...
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
The Start of Something New : The beginning of my journey with PCOS.
A few months ago, I began having my cycle every couple of weeks.....
Rewind...
9 years ago, I went to my family doctor about some lower abdominal pain on my left side. I told him "somethings not right, there is something wrong, please tell me what's going on." He dismissed me and told me I was fine. I didn't look into it any further.
Fast Forward....
Almost 8 years ago, I got pregnant with my first child. We went for our first ultrasound and they said "hmm....you have a large cyst hanging from your fallopian tube. That's normal though. BUT, we want to keep an eye on it. It will probably burst on it's own." That meant I got to get extra ultrasounds of my new baby. Something I wasn't going to complain about. Who doesn't want to see their baby every chance they get??! So, the cyst never did burst and for a while it was bigger than the baby. He was born in December. In April, they prepped me for surgery and told me they were going to remove the cyst and there COULD be a possibility that they would have to remove my ovary as well, though they didn't see that happening. After I got home from the outpatient procedure, my mom informed me that they had indeed taken my ovary as well. I was devastated. I felt cheated. I felt like that was it...I was only having one child. One child was fine though. I had always, ALWAYS, just had a feeling that I would never be able to have children in the first place. I can't really describe it, but it was just a gut feeling. So having the one was joyous enough and I was okay with him being IT.
Fast Forward, again....
Almost 3 years ago I had my second child. Another boy. My pregnancies were both really easy and problem free. My youngest was even born at home. A water birth and the single most amazing thing I have ever done. I would do it 100 more times if I could. Of course, then I would have 100 more kids and the two I've got keep me hopping. But you get the point.
Fast Forward (just one more time)....
So, as previously stated...a few months ago I began having my cycle every couple of weeks. I had been having lower abdominal pain on my right side for a while. I knew what it was. My husband kept telling me to have it checked out, but I was fearful that they would tell me what I already knew; that it was cysts on my ovary. We haven't decided to have any more children, but we haven't REALLY decided that we are done yet either. The fear of going and having them tell me that they would have to remove my ovary (which is what I was SURE was going to happen) would be the end. I would no longer have a choice. It would not be up to me any more at that point and I was not ready to face that. At this point I was having hot flashes and night sweats and other symptoms that led me to believe that this was menopause. My mom started around my age, so it wasn't really out of the realm of possibility, so I made an appointment with a new OBGYN to see if I was going through the change. So here I am, sitting in the exam room and the doctor walks in and says (first thing), "So, since you have PCOS...." I was perplexed, and I told her that I had never been told that before. She assured me that that was the case and that they were going to do some bloodwork and check my thyroid and my insulin level and she explained that the menopause symptoms I had been having were because of the PCOS. For those who don't know, PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It means that my insulin level is high (the tests showed that my insulin level was at 209. It should have been around 45), which causes me to metabolize food at a much slower rate causing me to gain weight, not be able to lose weight, develop cysts on my ovaries, be lethargic, have mood swings and nights sweats just to name a FEW. PCOS can lead to diabetes and/or heart disease. I left her office with a bevy of emotions. I was glad that I wasn't just crazy. I was relieved because I had an explanation for LOTS of things. I was upset because I had never thought that I would have to deal with a chronic illness. I was angry, most of all, because I felt betrayed by doctors who should have done more. They should have listened to me. They should have done tests. They should have been more diligent and trustworthy and lots of other things that they were not. I felt cheated again because I felt as though my life could have been very different over the last 9 years at least (though I suspect that I have had PCOS a lot longer than that). I still am having trouble getting over the angry part, but I have always been a positive person. I have never been one to look back and have regrets and I am trying very hard not to be that person now. Luckily my ultrasound today showed no signs of any cysts on my ovary. That doesn't mean one won't form tomorrow or that one wasn't there yesterday, but for now I am calling that a victory. I start on Metformin tomorrow. It's a drug used for diabetes, but we will be using it for it's side effects. It is supposed to help my metabolism, keep my insulin down, stop the formation of cysts and get my cycles regular again. I want to control it with my diet, but my doctor says for now we want to get it under control fast so that it doesn't turn into diabetes. I will see her again in 3 months and at 6 months we will revisit the idea of using diet to control it.
I know that I am very lucky to have my children. Many people with PCOS can't have them or have a lot of trouble conceiving them. We did have some trouble conceiving my youngest, but not a lot of people knew that. I am thankful for my boys every day. Some days they drive me to the brink of insanity, but then they pull me right back from that edge. I think that just goes along with being a #boymom. That, and I am #noJuneCleaver. However, just because I was lucky doesn't mean I don't get to be angry. I am allowed to feel my feelings and I don't need to be validated by anyone, but I also don't need to be told that I shouldn't feel that way either. My husband is such a strong support to me. There are times in our marriage when any other man may have said "this is too much crazy for me!", but not my Chris. He stuck it out and is always the first to comfort me when I feel crazy, or upset, or angry. When I called him today after my appointment to tell him what the plan was, he replied, "We can handle that." That's right....WE can handle this.
My greatest accomplishments. :)
Rewind...
9 years ago, I went to my family doctor about some lower abdominal pain on my left side. I told him "somethings not right, there is something wrong, please tell me what's going on." He dismissed me and told me I was fine. I didn't look into it any further.
Fast Forward....
Almost 8 years ago, I got pregnant with my first child. We went for our first ultrasound and they said "hmm....you have a large cyst hanging from your fallopian tube. That's normal though. BUT, we want to keep an eye on it. It will probably burst on it's own." That meant I got to get extra ultrasounds of my new baby. Something I wasn't going to complain about. Who doesn't want to see their baby every chance they get??! So, the cyst never did burst and for a while it was bigger than the baby. He was born in December. In April, they prepped me for surgery and told me they were going to remove the cyst and there COULD be a possibility that they would have to remove my ovary as well, though they didn't see that happening. After I got home from the outpatient procedure, my mom informed me that they had indeed taken my ovary as well. I was devastated. I felt cheated. I felt like that was it...I was only having one child. One child was fine though. I had always, ALWAYS, just had a feeling that I would never be able to have children in the first place. I can't really describe it, but it was just a gut feeling. So having the one was joyous enough and I was okay with him being IT.
Fast Forward, again....
Almost 3 years ago I had my second child. Another boy. My pregnancies were both really easy and problem free. My youngest was even born at home. A water birth and the single most amazing thing I have ever done. I would do it 100 more times if I could. Of course, then I would have 100 more kids and the two I've got keep me hopping. But you get the point.
Fast Forward (just one more time)....
So, as previously stated...a few months ago I began having my cycle every couple of weeks. I had been having lower abdominal pain on my right side for a while. I knew what it was. My husband kept telling me to have it checked out, but I was fearful that they would tell me what I already knew; that it was cysts on my ovary. We haven't decided to have any more children, but we haven't REALLY decided that we are done yet either. The fear of going and having them tell me that they would have to remove my ovary (which is what I was SURE was going to happen) would be the end. I would no longer have a choice. It would not be up to me any more at that point and I was not ready to face that. At this point I was having hot flashes and night sweats and other symptoms that led me to believe that this was menopause. My mom started around my age, so it wasn't really out of the realm of possibility, so I made an appointment with a new OBGYN to see if I was going through the change. So here I am, sitting in the exam room and the doctor walks in and says (first thing), "So, since you have PCOS...." I was perplexed, and I told her that I had never been told that before. She assured me that that was the case and that they were going to do some bloodwork and check my thyroid and my insulin level and she explained that the menopause symptoms I had been having were because of the PCOS. For those who don't know, PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It means that my insulin level is high (the tests showed that my insulin level was at 209. It should have been around 45), which causes me to metabolize food at a much slower rate causing me to gain weight, not be able to lose weight, develop cysts on my ovaries, be lethargic, have mood swings and nights sweats just to name a FEW. PCOS can lead to diabetes and/or heart disease. I left her office with a bevy of emotions. I was glad that I wasn't just crazy. I was relieved because I had an explanation for LOTS of things. I was upset because I had never thought that I would have to deal with a chronic illness. I was angry, most of all, because I felt betrayed by doctors who should have done more. They should have listened to me. They should have done tests. They should have been more diligent and trustworthy and lots of other things that they were not. I felt cheated again because I felt as though my life could have been very different over the last 9 years at least (though I suspect that I have had PCOS a lot longer than that). I still am having trouble getting over the angry part, but I have always been a positive person. I have never been one to look back and have regrets and I am trying very hard not to be that person now. Luckily my ultrasound today showed no signs of any cysts on my ovary. That doesn't mean one won't form tomorrow or that one wasn't there yesterday, but for now I am calling that a victory. I start on Metformin tomorrow. It's a drug used for diabetes, but we will be using it for it's side effects. It is supposed to help my metabolism, keep my insulin down, stop the formation of cysts and get my cycles regular again. I want to control it with my diet, but my doctor says for now we want to get it under control fast so that it doesn't turn into diabetes. I will see her again in 3 months and at 6 months we will revisit the idea of using diet to control it.
I know that I am very lucky to have my children. Many people with PCOS can't have them or have a lot of trouble conceiving them. We did have some trouble conceiving my youngest, but not a lot of people knew that. I am thankful for my boys every day. Some days they drive me to the brink of insanity, but then they pull me right back from that edge. I think that just goes along with being a #boymom. That, and I am #noJuneCleaver. However, just because I was lucky doesn't mean I don't get to be angry. I am allowed to feel my feelings and I don't need to be validated by anyone, but I also don't need to be told that I shouldn't feel that way either. My husband is such a strong support to me. There are times in our marriage when any other man may have said "this is too much crazy for me!", but not my Chris. He stuck it out and is always the first to comfort me when I feel crazy, or upset, or angry. When I called him today after my appointment to tell him what the plan was, he replied, "We can handle that." That's right....WE can handle this.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
bad blogger, bad!
I have not posted a blog entry since April!!! WHA?? Life got busy. Let's see...I got married in a hospital in L.A. in May, my husband adopted my son, started my own graphic design business, got a new nephew, bought a new car (LOVE MY SOUL), planned a wedding (yes, I still had a wedding in October), helped do stuff for my sister's wedding in November, yesterday I got a new cousin, and all the little life stuff in between. Here it is coming up on Thanksgiving in a couple of days and I have SO much to be thankful for. I have been doing things I am thankful for every day on my Facebook status. To keep myself focused, I did it in alphabetical order. Each day was a letter and I listed things I was thankful for that started with that letter. Even though I did it that way to make myself focus, I still had to censor myself so that my friends were not subjected to statuses that were multiple paragraphs long. Truth is, I am thankful for everything in my life and everyone in it. I could never list everything that I feel so lucky to have, or be a part of. I could never list everyone that I am thankful to know, or have in my life. My life is truly blessed and I hope that people can tell that through my actions and my attitude. If when I die, people can look back and say "She really loved living", then I will be happy. Never let a day go by, when you don't show thanks for something in your life. Don't just be thankful on Thanksgiving.
My L.A. Hospital Wedding
The complete audience at my L.A. hospital wedding.
Family Pictures ~ Summer '11
My new nephew ~ Lawson
My October Wedding
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
How Selfish of me....
I usually am not so negative, but yesterday, I woke with a horrible headache. It was storming out and I had errands to run and I overslept. I posted on my facebook status, something to the effect of "Overslept, woke with a headache and have to run errands in the rain. This Monday sucks more than most. Silver lining? Anyone?". I was promptly put in my place by several friends who reminded me that I was lucky to wake up to the day. Crappy or not.
How could I be upset about such trivial things? There are people all over that aren't lucky enough to wake to a new day, or people who wake up everyday in pain because of illness or disease. There are people who wish to not wake up and here I am complaining about rain.
I am very lucky to have woken up to a new day. I have a wonderful life and a wonderful family and am blessed daily. Thank you to my friends who put my day into perspective and helped me to remember that I am truly blessed and should not take anything in my life for granted. Crappy or not. At least I have life to live.
How could I be upset about such trivial things? There are people all over that aren't lucky enough to wake to a new day, or people who wake up everyday in pain because of illness or disease. There are people who wish to not wake up and here I am complaining about rain.
I am very lucky to have woken up to a new day. I have a wonderful life and a wonderful family and am blessed daily. Thank you to my friends who put my day into perspective and helped me to remember that I am truly blessed and should not take anything in my life for granted. Crappy or not. At least I have life to live.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Old is as old does...
Two days ago I turned 33 years young. I say young because I don't often feel very old. I have a LOT of life left in me and there are too many things I want to do in my life to just give up. It was a typical Monday. I slept late (mainly because Cooper was exhausted because of being up and down ALL night too) and then spent the morning playing legos with Cooper in his room. He was so proud of the tiny lego thing we built that he left it up all day and had to show Chris the minute he got home.
I made us lunch, nothing too exciting. I think Coop had a pickle, yogurt, cheese and PB on toast (I know...great lunch, but when you have a picky toddler, you give him what you know he will eat AND we covered almost all the food groups). After lunch came clean-up time. As I was bending over to pick up the sippy cup that had been carelessly tossed on the floor, it happened. My back seized up and stuck. I threw my back out bending over?? And on my birthday, no less. What an omen, right? We shall see....
I got this fantastic heating pad for Christmas and wanted more than anything to put it on my back for a while. There was only one problem. It was behind the couch. I could hardly change a diaper without crying, let alone climb behind the couch. So I had to wait in agony until Chris got home from work. Needless to say, the heating pad has found a new home.
Chris was wonderful! He got home, gave Coop a much needed bath, went out and got Subway for dinner and brought me marshmellows from 240 Sweet. Just two days prior he had brought me roses and gave me money for my birthday (which is going into the honeymoon fund). He is also taking me to The Melting Pot on Friday. My parents bought us tickets to Lady Gaga for my birthday, so we will be doing that on Saturday night. What a birthday!
I am a very lucky girl and not a day goes by that I don't appreciate everything and everyone in my life. So thrown out back or not, I still consider myself 33 years young. I have a lot to experience in this life and am blessed to experience it with the people that I choose to surround myself with.
All in all, it was a pretty good birthday. (Picture below of me and Cooper before the back incident. Oh yeah...we stayed in our jammies most of the day too! *grin*)
Until next post...
Love each other.
I made us lunch, nothing too exciting. I think Coop had a pickle, yogurt, cheese and PB on toast (I know...great lunch, but when you have a picky toddler, you give him what you know he will eat AND we covered almost all the food groups). After lunch came clean-up time. As I was bending over to pick up the sippy cup that had been carelessly tossed on the floor, it happened. My back seized up and stuck. I threw my back out bending over?? And on my birthday, no less. What an omen, right? We shall see....
I got this fantastic heating pad for Christmas and wanted more than anything to put it on my back for a while. There was only one problem. It was behind the couch. I could hardly change a diaper without crying, let alone climb behind the couch. So I had to wait in agony until Chris got home from work. Needless to say, the heating pad has found a new home.
Chris was wonderful! He got home, gave Coop a much needed bath, went out and got Subway for dinner and brought me marshmellows from 240 Sweet. Just two days prior he had brought me roses and gave me money for my birthday (which is going into the honeymoon fund). He is also taking me to The Melting Pot on Friday. My parents bought us tickets to Lady Gaga for my birthday, so we will be doing that on Saturday night. What a birthday!
I am a very lucky girl and not a day goes by that I don't appreciate everything and everyone in my life. So thrown out back or not, I still consider myself 33 years young. I have a lot to experience in this life and am blessed to experience it with the people that I choose to surround myself with.
All in all, it was a pretty good birthday. (Picture below of me and Cooper before the back incident. Oh yeah...we stayed in our jammies most of the day too! *grin*)
Until next post...
Love each other.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Feel the Burn!!!
So, for most of my adult life, I have fought with my weight. I have always been overweight and even at my smallest, was still curvy. Before I had Cooper, I had lost quite a bit of weight and was feeling good about myself. After Cooper was born, however, that all changed. If you have had a child, you know that it completely changes your body. My body changed quite a bit and I hated it. I went out and bought a new wardrobe thinking that would help my self image. It helped for a little while since I now had clothes that fit my new body, but eventually I felt bad about myself again, but not because of the way I looked. I found it hard to run around and play with my toddler. After 10 minutes of running around outside or chasing each other through the house, I was winded. I was 31 years young and couldn't play with my son like he deserved!
My mom helped me with the funds to sign up for the Metabolic Research Center program. I did really well and lost 40 pounds in no time. I was back down to my pre-pregnancy size. I felt great!
THEN, I fell in love! LOL I got "fat and happy" and gained back 20 of the pounds I had worked so hard to lose. Chris has a HUGE sweet tooth and that is fine for him...he is skinny already. He loves me so much and he tells me all the time how much he loves my curves. He loves me for who I am and I love him for it. He says he wishes I could see myself as he sees me....and I would be fine with my weight, except that I want to be around for a LONG time for my son.
I started WeightWatchers this week. So far, so good. I am finding it really easy to stay within my points and I still get a treat now and then. I also started "Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred". SHE is kicking my ass, but I feel really good after my workout and I know that it will all be worth it in the end, even if I CAN'T walk upright right now. LOL
On a completely unrelated topic, I get to go try on wedding dresses this weekend. Yay!
Until my next post,
Love each other....
My mom helped me with the funds to sign up for the Metabolic Research Center program. I did really well and lost 40 pounds in no time. I was back down to my pre-pregnancy size. I felt great!
THEN, I fell in love! LOL I got "fat and happy" and gained back 20 of the pounds I had worked so hard to lose. Chris has a HUGE sweet tooth and that is fine for him...he is skinny already. He loves me so much and he tells me all the time how much he loves my curves. He loves me for who I am and I love him for it. He says he wishes I could see myself as he sees me....and I would be fine with my weight, except that I want to be around for a LONG time for my son.
I started WeightWatchers this week. So far, so good. I am finding it really easy to stay within my points and I still get a treat now and then. I also started "Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred". SHE is kicking my ass, but I feel really good after my workout and I know that it will all be worth it in the end, even if I CAN'T walk upright right now. LOL
On a completely unrelated topic, I get to go try on wedding dresses this weekend. Yay!
Until my next post,
Love each other....
Friday, February 11, 2011
My light in the dark....
I can't express enough how much my son means to me. I am so thankful to be able to spend each and every day with this little, smart, bundle of energy. He is so loving and he gives his love freely to everyone who treats him with kindness. He makes me want to be the best role model that I can. I never knew I could love someone so much.
I think of him as a miracle. I was never told that I couldn't have kids or that there was anything wrong that would cause me to be infertile, it was just something I had felt for most of my life. I wanted kids. I love kids. I taught Preschool for 10 years and loved them. Just something inside me made me feel that I would never be able to have any of my own. I got the opportunity to take a job working from home making twice the money I was while teaching, so I jumped on it. It was third shift, but the money was worth it. Approximately two months after starting my new job, I found out that I was pregnant. I was shocked, overjoyed, ecstatic....humbled.
On my first trip to my OBGYN, I was given an ultrasound and found that I was 6 weeks along and that I had developed a cyst on my left ovary. They told me that it should burst by the time I was 12 weeks along, but it didn't. After Cooper was born, it was not only still there, but it had grown. So, when Coop was 5 months old, I went to have it removed and in the process of removing it, they found that I had cysts all over my ovary as well. They had to remove my ovary that day. If it hadn't been for getting pregnant with Cooper, who knows how long I would have gone without knowing that I had this issue. So, for that, I am thankful.
However, that leaves me with one ovary and Chris and I would like to have more children. We have decided that if we try and are not able to get pregnant, then we will definitely adopt. I think we have decided that even if we are able to get pregnant, then we are going to adopt as well. We have a lot of love to give and if we can give to a child who needs it more than most, then that's what we are going to do.
But in the meantime, it's just Cooper and I plan to soak up all of his love and energy that I can. He is a sponge and soaks up everything that I give him, so I should do the same. He wants me to hold his hand at night as he falls asleep and I will hold his hand as long as he will let me. He wants our love and attention all the time and we will give it, even if later on he thinks he doesn't want it. He is so easy to love. I hope he thinks the same of me.
Until next post,
Love each other.
I think of him as a miracle. I was never told that I couldn't have kids or that there was anything wrong that would cause me to be infertile, it was just something I had felt for most of my life. I wanted kids. I love kids. I taught Preschool for 10 years and loved them. Just something inside me made me feel that I would never be able to have any of my own. I got the opportunity to take a job working from home making twice the money I was while teaching, so I jumped on it. It was third shift, but the money was worth it. Approximately two months after starting my new job, I found out that I was pregnant. I was shocked, overjoyed, ecstatic....humbled.
On my first trip to my OBGYN, I was given an ultrasound and found that I was 6 weeks along and that I had developed a cyst on my left ovary. They told me that it should burst by the time I was 12 weeks along, but it didn't. After Cooper was born, it was not only still there, but it had grown. So, when Coop was 5 months old, I went to have it removed and in the process of removing it, they found that I had cysts all over my ovary as well. They had to remove my ovary that day. If it hadn't been for getting pregnant with Cooper, who knows how long I would have gone without knowing that I had this issue. So, for that, I am thankful.
However, that leaves me with one ovary and Chris and I would like to have more children. We have decided that if we try and are not able to get pregnant, then we will definitely adopt. I think we have decided that even if we are able to get pregnant, then we are going to adopt as well. We have a lot of love to give and if we can give to a child who needs it more than most, then that's what we are going to do.
But in the meantime, it's just Cooper and I plan to soak up all of his love and energy that I can. He is a sponge and soaks up everything that I give him, so I should do the same. He wants me to hold his hand at night as he falls asleep and I will hold his hand as long as he will let me. He wants our love and attention all the time and we will give it, even if later on he thinks he doesn't want it. He is so easy to love. I hope he thinks the same of me.
Until next post,
Love each other.
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