Wednesday, February 24, 2016
A Week In and I Am Holding On...
So, I have been taking the Metformin for my PCOS for a week now. So far so good. The first couple of days were a little bit queasy, but nothing this tough momma couldn't handle. I was warned to be careful of carbs while taking it, so I have been really conscious about my carb intake. It is down to almost nothing. If I DO have something, I have it in the morning since I take my meds at night. I also have been trying to make better choices all around just because I need to. I have had little to no sugar, save for my morning cup of coffee, which you can pry from my cold, dead hands. I NEED it to function. Seriously...you do not want to deal with me without my morning java. SO...tonight I have had to start taking two pills a day instead of just the one. I have not felt any bad side effects from it yet, and I hope it stays that way. I hate, hate, HATE that I have to be on meds at all. Those who know me know that I don't like to take anything if I can keep from it. I try to do things holistically if possible. But my doctor says this is the best route and even though my trust is doctors has been horribly shaken, I have to trust she is doing what is best for now. She says we can try to control things through my diet a little later on, and I am holding her to it. I HAVE noticed that I am hungry A LOT and thirsty all the time, so I pee a ton. I feel like I am pregnant again in that respect. (I am NOT pregnant...just FYI). I guess that makes sense since it is supposed to increase my metabolism. I am eating lots of salads, lean meats, veggies and a small amount of fruits though, so hopefully I can use this situation to my advantage. I am also so very thankful for the support from my family and friends. I am making it through this because of all of you. Thank you. I have the best people in my life...
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
The Start of Something New : The beginning of my journey with PCOS.
A few months ago, I began having my cycle every couple of weeks.....
Rewind...
9 years ago, I went to my family doctor about some lower abdominal pain on my left side. I told him "somethings not right, there is something wrong, please tell me what's going on." He dismissed me and told me I was fine. I didn't look into it any further.
Fast Forward....
Almost 8 years ago, I got pregnant with my first child. We went for our first ultrasound and they said "hmm....you have a large cyst hanging from your fallopian tube. That's normal though. BUT, we want to keep an eye on it. It will probably burst on it's own." That meant I got to get extra ultrasounds of my new baby. Something I wasn't going to complain about. Who doesn't want to see their baby every chance they get??! So, the cyst never did burst and for a while it was bigger than the baby. He was born in December. In April, they prepped me for surgery and told me they were going to remove the cyst and there COULD be a possibility that they would have to remove my ovary as well, though they didn't see that happening. After I got home from the outpatient procedure, my mom informed me that they had indeed taken my ovary as well. I was devastated. I felt cheated. I felt like that was it...I was only having one child. One child was fine though. I had always, ALWAYS, just had a feeling that I would never be able to have children in the first place. I can't really describe it, but it was just a gut feeling. So having the one was joyous enough and I was okay with him being IT.
Fast Forward, again....
Almost 3 years ago I had my second child. Another boy. My pregnancies were both really easy and problem free. My youngest was even born at home. A water birth and the single most amazing thing I have ever done. I would do it 100 more times if I could. Of course, then I would have 100 more kids and the two I've got keep me hopping. But you get the point.
Fast Forward (just one more time)....
So, as previously stated...a few months ago I began having my cycle every couple of weeks. I had been having lower abdominal pain on my right side for a while. I knew what it was. My husband kept telling me to have it checked out, but I was fearful that they would tell me what I already knew; that it was cysts on my ovary. We haven't decided to have any more children, but we haven't REALLY decided that we are done yet either. The fear of going and having them tell me that they would have to remove my ovary (which is what I was SURE was going to happen) would be the end. I would no longer have a choice. It would not be up to me any more at that point and I was not ready to face that. At this point I was having hot flashes and night sweats and other symptoms that led me to believe that this was menopause. My mom started around my age, so it wasn't really out of the realm of possibility, so I made an appointment with a new OBGYN to see if I was going through the change. So here I am, sitting in the exam room and the doctor walks in and says (first thing), "So, since you have PCOS...." I was perplexed, and I told her that I had never been told that before. She assured me that that was the case and that they were going to do some bloodwork and check my thyroid and my insulin level and she explained that the menopause symptoms I had been having were because of the PCOS. For those who don't know, PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It means that my insulin level is high (the tests showed that my insulin level was at 209. It should have been around 45), which causes me to metabolize food at a much slower rate causing me to gain weight, not be able to lose weight, develop cysts on my ovaries, be lethargic, have mood swings and nights sweats just to name a FEW. PCOS can lead to diabetes and/or heart disease. I left her office with a bevy of emotions. I was glad that I wasn't just crazy. I was relieved because I had an explanation for LOTS of things. I was upset because I had never thought that I would have to deal with a chronic illness. I was angry, most of all, because I felt betrayed by doctors who should have done more. They should have listened to me. They should have done tests. They should have been more diligent and trustworthy and lots of other things that they were not. I felt cheated again because I felt as though my life could have been very different over the last 9 years at least (though I suspect that I have had PCOS a lot longer than that). I still am having trouble getting over the angry part, but I have always been a positive person. I have never been one to look back and have regrets and I am trying very hard not to be that person now. Luckily my ultrasound today showed no signs of any cysts on my ovary. That doesn't mean one won't form tomorrow or that one wasn't there yesterday, but for now I am calling that a victory. I start on Metformin tomorrow. It's a drug used for diabetes, but we will be using it for it's side effects. It is supposed to help my metabolism, keep my insulin down, stop the formation of cysts and get my cycles regular again. I want to control it with my diet, but my doctor says for now we want to get it under control fast so that it doesn't turn into diabetes. I will see her again in 3 months and at 6 months we will revisit the idea of using diet to control it.
I know that I am very lucky to have my children. Many people with PCOS can't have them or have a lot of trouble conceiving them. We did have some trouble conceiving my youngest, but not a lot of people knew that. I am thankful for my boys every day. Some days they drive me to the brink of insanity, but then they pull me right back from that edge. I think that just goes along with being a #boymom. That, and I am #noJuneCleaver. However, just because I was lucky doesn't mean I don't get to be angry. I am allowed to feel my feelings and I don't need to be validated by anyone, but I also don't need to be told that I shouldn't feel that way either. My husband is such a strong support to me. There are times in our marriage when any other man may have said "this is too much crazy for me!", but not my Chris. He stuck it out and is always the first to comfort me when I feel crazy, or upset, or angry. When I called him today after my appointment to tell him what the plan was, he replied, "We can handle that." That's right....WE can handle this.
My greatest accomplishments. :)
Rewind...
9 years ago, I went to my family doctor about some lower abdominal pain on my left side. I told him "somethings not right, there is something wrong, please tell me what's going on." He dismissed me and told me I was fine. I didn't look into it any further.
Fast Forward....
Almost 8 years ago, I got pregnant with my first child. We went for our first ultrasound and they said "hmm....you have a large cyst hanging from your fallopian tube. That's normal though. BUT, we want to keep an eye on it. It will probably burst on it's own." That meant I got to get extra ultrasounds of my new baby. Something I wasn't going to complain about. Who doesn't want to see their baby every chance they get??! So, the cyst never did burst and for a while it was bigger than the baby. He was born in December. In April, they prepped me for surgery and told me they were going to remove the cyst and there COULD be a possibility that they would have to remove my ovary as well, though they didn't see that happening. After I got home from the outpatient procedure, my mom informed me that they had indeed taken my ovary as well. I was devastated. I felt cheated. I felt like that was it...I was only having one child. One child was fine though. I had always, ALWAYS, just had a feeling that I would never be able to have children in the first place. I can't really describe it, but it was just a gut feeling. So having the one was joyous enough and I was okay with him being IT.
Fast Forward, again....
Almost 3 years ago I had my second child. Another boy. My pregnancies were both really easy and problem free. My youngest was even born at home. A water birth and the single most amazing thing I have ever done. I would do it 100 more times if I could. Of course, then I would have 100 more kids and the two I've got keep me hopping. But you get the point.
Fast Forward (just one more time)....
So, as previously stated...a few months ago I began having my cycle every couple of weeks. I had been having lower abdominal pain on my right side for a while. I knew what it was. My husband kept telling me to have it checked out, but I was fearful that they would tell me what I already knew; that it was cysts on my ovary. We haven't decided to have any more children, but we haven't REALLY decided that we are done yet either. The fear of going and having them tell me that they would have to remove my ovary (which is what I was SURE was going to happen) would be the end. I would no longer have a choice. It would not be up to me any more at that point and I was not ready to face that. At this point I was having hot flashes and night sweats and other symptoms that led me to believe that this was menopause. My mom started around my age, so it wasn't really out of the realm of possibility, so I made an appointment with a new OBGYN to see if I was going through the change. So here I am, sitting in the exam room and the doctor walks in and says (first thing), "So, since you have PCOS...." I was perplexed, and I told her that I had never been told that before. She assured me that that was the case and that they were going to do some bloodwork and check my thyroid and my insulin level and she explained that the menopause symptoms I had been having were because of the PCOS. For those who don't know, PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It means that my insulin level is high (the tests showed that my insulin level was at 209. It should have been around 45), which causes me to metabolize food at a much slower rate causing me to gain weight, not be able to lose weight, develop cysts on my ovaries, be lethargic, have mood swings and nights sweats just to name a FEW. PCOS can lead to diabetes and/or heart disease. I left her office with a bevy of emotions. I was glad that I wasn't just crazy. I was relieved because I had an explanation for LOTS of things. I was upset because I had never thought that I would have to deal with a chronic illness. I was angry, most of all, because I felt betrayed by doctors who should have done more. They should have listened to me. They should have done tests. They should have been more diligent and trustworthy and lots of other things that they were not. I felt cheated again because I felt as though my life could have been very different over the last 9 years at least (though I suspect that I have had PCOS a lot longer than that). I still am having trouble getting over the angry part, but I have always been a positive person. I have never been one to look back and have regrets and I am trying very hard not to be that person now. Luckily my ultrasound today showed no signs of any cysts on my ovary. That doesn't mean one won't form tomorrow or that one wasn't there yesterday, but for now I am calling that a victory. I start on Metformin tomorrow. It's a drug used for diabetes, but we will be using it for it's side effects. It is supposed to help my metabolism, keep my insulin down, stop the formation of cysts and get my cycles regular again. I want to control it with my diet, but my doctor says for now we want to get it under control fast so that it doesn't turn into diabetes. I will see her again in 3 months and at 6 months we will revisit the idea of using diet to control it.
I know that I am very lucky to have my children. Many people with PCOS can't have them or have a lot of trouble conceiving them. We did have some trouble conceiving my youngest, but not a lot of people knew that. I am thankful for my boys every day. Some days they drive me to the brink of insanity, but then they pull me right back from that edge. I think that just goes along with being a #boymom. That, and I am #noJuneCleaver. However, just because I was lucky doesn't mean I don't get to be angry. I am allowed to feel my feelings and I don't need to be validated by anyone, but I also don't need to be told that I shouldn't feel that way either. My husband is such a strong support to me. There are times in our marriage when any other man may have said "this is too much crazy for me!", but not my Chris. He stuck it out and is always the first to comfort me when I feel crazy, or upset, or angry. When I called him today after my appointment to tell him what the plan was, he replied, "We can handle that." That's right....WE can handle this.
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